Dawn of the Almost Dead

Doug Baumgartner, aka Bummer, just realizes he has consumed 12′ of donkey colon and readies himself for a major colon blow out at the Newark “Eat a Donkey Colon” festival. The weeks festivities included, donkey rides (aka zoo style), donkey crap ring toss, donkey piss beer drinking contest, and finishing up with the famous donkey colon eating contest.

Organizer Augustine Durant, tells Dawn of the Almost Dead reporter, “Donkey colon is one of the finest delicacies in the world. It is only when monsters of the colon like Doug “Bummer” try to cram twelve feet of colon into a mans three feet of colon that trouble begins. It just don’t quite fit and something has got to give.”

Editor note: Colon Cheerleader Cindy Quaint seen in the background, suffered mild injuries from the reverse spray of Bummers blow out. A shower, mouthwash, and a good flush of her eyes cleaned her up “pretty good”.

OKAY, I’m all for busting these dirt-bags ala Americas Most Wanted style. Teaching your dog to “huff” paint fumes is the limit for me; lets bust the Westbrook Kennel Huffers Club of Podudsky, IA. They say the dogs love it, and unlike people, they prefer black instead of gold/silver paint, well at least Huffington the Lab/Shepherd mix does.

In the background, you can see Peter Duckwaddle excitedly awaiting his Husky’s turn at some “tractor red” paint.

Shame on you Westbrook, shame on you!