Stewie Griffen claims he is Danielynn’s baby!
In a very unusual and shocking press conference today, cartoon actor/comedian Stewie Griffin claimed that he is the unborn love child of Danielynn and network news anchor Tom Tucker.
Of course, anyone that has truly been following the story (admit it, there are a few of you) knows that boy-toy-friend Howard Stern is Danielynn’s lover.
And their love child has been revealed as none other, than Dawn of the Almost Dead’s Edward Punta!
Top Internet Jobs for 2007
How to get RICH in 2007 with the top paying internet jobs available and live the good life!
1. Google Adsense clicker. Click Adsense ads to boost profits for criminals and wipe out a competing businesses Google ad revenue. Estimated salary: $0.01 per click.
2. CAPTCHA encoding professional. Complete more extensive CAPTCHA codes for SPAMBOT’s that cannot complete registrations on forums and email accounts. Estimated salary: $0.01 per CAPTCHA code defeated.
3. Internet Drop Ship peon. Spend thousands on eBay ads selling shit that rich people can’t unload from their warehouses. Sell at cost and make $0.05 per sale. Estimated salary: $10.00 annually.
4. Internet Re-shipper. Re-mail products all over the world as they are shipped to your residence after the company purchases them with your new credit card(s) they received when you apply for the job and give them your SSN and birth-date. Estimated salary: $-3,000-$6,000 depending on your credit rating and how long it takes for the first credit card bills to be delivered to your home.
5. 419 mogul. Move to Nigeria and befriend a fallen, exiled king. Attempt to get donations to retrieve his $40,000,000 fortune by offering to share a percentage of the money with the donor. Estimated salary (after relocation): $10,000-$20,000 or 5-10 years in jail.
6. Digg Digger. Digg bogus articles that are posted on porn, spam, drugs, etc., sites to boost them to the front page of Digg. Estimated Salary: $0.50 per Digg. Get a lot of bogus Digg accounts to increase profits.
How to make a top 10 list.
Top 10 lists are the “rage” of the internet. Everyone is writing them and everyone is reading them. Everyone must love’em. So, after hours of pounding on our nicotine soaked keyboard, we present you with the DotAD TOP TEN list on how to make a top ten list!
In Letterman style:
10. Pick a topic, any topic as long as it involves sex, movie stars, porn, sex, alcohol, porn stars, the Beatles, sex, or global warming — its better if you can incorporate some or all of the listed topics.
9. Make sure you have exactly ten items in your list. Sorry, no repeats or it won’t count. Some top ten list readers can actually count; I know it seems incredible, but trust me, at least 10% of them can count to ten.
8. Be controversial. Say things that are incredible and people will either A. Eat the shit up with a spoon (90%) and tell all of their Bubba friends to read your top ten list, or B. Become outraged and tell their friend to read your top ten list.
7. Somehow, work Anna Nicole Smith and Danielynn into the list.
6. Be sure to offend some religious group too. God knows they have tremendous networks and will shoot your list like a rocket ship right to the daytime news networks.
5. Post your list in the correct place. For liberal slanted lists, the best place is MySpace — liberals only read MySpace; if they read it at all. Most of them just seem fascinated by the spinning little flowers and sparkly “I heart you” messages. For right wingers, post your list on a neo-nazi site or blog and it will spread like melted butter out of Dick Cheney’s ass cheeks.
4. Stay on target with your list topic(s). I know right brainers can easily wander around, but you’ll lose the left brainers if you wander to much.
3. Blame. Blame your mother, your father, Bush, fossil fuels, Fabreeze, Hostess Twinkies, sex education, tobacco, “da man”, anyone or anything. Just blame something on someone or something.
2. Remember, internet geeks really love computer related top ten lists. You know Shit like “Top ten reasons why Linux will dominate the desktop in 2008”, or “Top ten things Bill Gates dreams about when he sleeps”, or some shit like that. (Note: Post those geek lists on DIGG and the nerds will masturbate all over their keyboards.)
1. Keep writing top ten lists. Statistics show that 1 out of 10 top ten lists make some sort of impact on the internet. Set a goal for yourself: “I want my top ten list to be the top ten piece of shit “SPAM chain mail” in every mother f’rs inbox in the world!”
Now you have the best tools available to you to write that POC (Piece Of Crap) or POS (Piece Of Shit) that every intellegent person in the world will look at and say, “What a douche.”
How to eyeball a fag
Brad Nagurski displays his unusual talent of eyeball smoking. Brad is down to two packs of fags a day now. His wife is thrilled because he was smoking three packs a day.
The surgeon generals new warning on cigarettes that eyeball smoking while driving may cause accidents was a leading factor that caused Brad to rethink this nasty habit. His wife complains to him all the time about the eyebuggers on the fag whenever she wants a drag, and his eyeballs stink.
“I can’t stand to lick his balls like I use to because of the smell.”, stated his wife, Amy. Amy, we were talking about his eyeballs, right?
Bride of Elvis
Dr. Frankenfurter unveiled his latest creation at the Nazi Clone Labs: FrankenElvis!
The electrodes and 100,000 volt shocks used to bring him to life added the skunk streaks to his coiffure. The ladies don’t seem to mind and kind of like the new look FrankenElvis is sporting. Frankenfurter says there are other hair streaks that only a few lucky ladies will get to see; one on each side of this peanut bag. It enhances his already small size by making his thingy look “fast”.
When we inquired about how he is enjoying his new cloned life, FrankenElvis just said, “Who loves ya baby?”
Nude Fest 2007
Three old nude guys celebrated the first annual “Nude Fest” of 2007 by marking their territory at Mitch’s Gym & Bath House Emporium today.
The old perverts gave new meaning to the term “streaking” by leaving their stains on all of the equipment. Anal leakage is a terrible thing, but it is even worse when it is on the stationary bike seat.
Pervert, Albert Prince, says, it was fun looking at the other guys peckers as they peddled their wares and spread their cheeks in front of him; until they started draining their fluids right where they sat. Rupert Dongwood stated that he did the best he could to jam the roll of Bounty between his cheeks, but it kept “popping out” every time he power peddled his way to the finish line. “Hey, ass squirting is just as natural to an old naked man as it is for a woman to quiff when giving pony rides!”, stated Rupert.
On a side note, Mitch’s will be closed tomorrow as they prepare the gym for the ladies first annual “Nude Squat and Leave It Fest, 2007”.
Tonight on The Discover Channel – I shouldn’t be Alive – the “John Couey Story”
The episode of “I shouldn’t be Alive” I’d like to see is this POS (Piece Of Shit) John Couey electrocuted with a ten foot electric anal prod.
This POS is fighting for his pathetic life after raping and burying alive little 9 year old Jessica Lunsford. There is no punishment tame enough for this shit stain on human mankind.
Even Adolf is pitching a fit in hell that this bastard will be visiting soon. Oh yes, Adolf and Satan have some big plans for Johnny boy, and they involve lots of stuff being stuffed into every orifice on his body.
Remember and pray for Jessica and her courageous father Mark — who has somehow managed to resist all urges to strangle the POS with a piano wire until his fugly head popped off.
A Freshly Shaved Britney Spears Receives a Record Number of Movie Offers.
Britney Spears “chucker” is receiving a slew of movie offers since shaving her head — and other body parts. She is currently reviewing scripts for the following “BIG” budget films:
- The Rodfather
- The Shaw skank Addiction
- The Whore of the Blings
- Plump Friction
- One Screwed Over the Cock Nest
- Star Whores
- Rapers of the Lost Tart
- Goodsmellas
- A Cockworth Orange
- 2001: A Spank Odyssey
- Full Meat Jacket
- Fill Bill Volume One & Two
Stay tuned for the Oscars next year…
The Fifty Thousand Dollar Jesus Check.
Arnold Komeover & Ken Spudnucky were arrested while trying to cash a $50,000 dollar check at the local Dollar General store in Keokuk, Iowa.
Arnold on the left and Ken on the right, posed for this photo taken by the cashier Rosie Rito — who could not believe it when she saw the check. She was so impressed that God would write such a large check from the Bank of Jesus. She thought it was real, because hey, God is infinite, so it would make sense that he would use large checks.
Rosie only had $38.52 in the register at the time, so she called her manager for “change”. Manager Edwardo Punta, (seen below),
became suspicious when he noted that God’s signature did not look authentic. He called sheriff Barnaby Jones (swear that is is real name), who immediately arrested the pair for attempted check fraud. Sheriff Jones had given Arnold and Ken a warning just one hour before after they tried cashing “micro” check written on the head of a pin at the Kum-And-Go store. It was signed by Mel Gibson and drafted from the “Bank of the Passion of the Christ”. Jones knew that there was no Passion bank in Keokuk. Barnaby is one sharp cookie.
Arnold and Ken posted bail by using a check from the Bank of Britney Spears — (BS for short.)
Dawn of the Almost Dead 