Dawn of the Almost Dead

Crusty curmudgeon Don Imus in an effort to detract attackers from his most recent racially motivate comments, now claims he is Dannielynn’s father.  However, it has not worked.  Everyone knows that Anna would never have fucked him, good god, he has ranch crust all over him.

Besides, Anna always called Michel Moore daddy.  Now if science can only find his penis since he has not seen it for decades.

Racially segregated Don Amus requested an apology from Rutgers for the comments made about him today in a press conference. Don stated that HE and HE alone was the first nappy headed human in the world. Speaking from his charity funded Imus Ranch or as it he lovingly refers to it the I-H8-EVR-1 Ranch, stated “I help everyone from retards to nappy challenged white people. Why are they attacking me?”

MSNBC is scrambling to cover for the fat headed, big mouthed, nappy headed, racist by suspending him from his radio/TV show before he can spew more damaging hate speech. MSNBC spokesman, Alberto Gonzales, stated “we needed a good cover for the senate investigation and Imus was the perfect buffoon for the Bush administration.”

Don expects to be back on the air in two weeks. This will give him time to relax at his “charity funded” ranch and recover from all these vicious attacks against him. Imus said “it would help me relax more if they would get all these damn crippled kids out of here. All they do is whine about how they “can’t walk or it hurts when they setup. God I hate charity when it impedes on my ability to have fun at my ‘charity funded’ ranch.”

Imus, “After all, who is the biggest ho in the world? Why me of course, because I’m da pimp masta.”