Blow Me Again Baby, ah Seka you still got it – experience that is.

February 22, 2007 at 7:54 pm (Fake News)


Has-been porn goddess, Seka Bigone, renewed her porn life at the age of 52. Admitting that her taint has seen better days, she says, “if people will pay for a peak at a AARP twat, who am I to deny them? Seka has seen more pipe then the Alaskan oil line and still enjoys a good chubby every once and awhile.

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At 52 she still has plenty of ASS to shove in peoples faces. God bless you Seka, we just hope you don’t start a trend. After all, my grandmothers naughty bits are the last thing I want to see as I’m cruising the internet.

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Hardee’s Red Burrito will kill you (part 2)

February 20, 2007 at 8:10 pm (bizarre, Odd)


Hard hitting reporting from Dawn of the Almost Dead brings you the $4.39 Hardee’s Red Burrito:

Excitement begins at the first glimpse of the the sign.dscf3196-small.JPG

Taking our prized catch home for a personal photo spread we eagerly wait to unveil the beast.

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Behold the “Black Box” that contains all of the energy of a nuclear power plant.

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Now, time to vamp, you saucy behemoth of colon blocking, you methane factory, you king of cholesterol.dscf3202-small.JPG

Alright,now I must cut you bitch… sorry you were so beautiful too, but you’re beautiful on the inside too.
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Gooey goodness, beef (we guess), cheese (we guess), rice, onions, peppers, refried’s, wrapped in a monster tortilla. My colon is starting to feel extended already as this devil is racing through my digestive system.

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Unable to complete the bowel blowout, I tempted my dogs with the remains of this behemoth  of fast food. Sniffing it like the butt of a strange dog in the neighborhood.

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Both hounds decided it was safe, and it was better than the Ol’ Roy they have been served recently, so they dove into the remains.

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I’m happy to report that both the dogs and the author have survived this ordeal perpetrated by the Hardee’s corporation on the American republic. I, however, will never be the same. My extended colon hangs around my knees and I’m forced to wear long baggy pants to hide my shame. For a 50+ old man to look like the white gangsta in a town of 5,000 people, it is needless to say embarrassing. I can only hope that other old farts will try this “beast of burden” and join the ranks of the extended colon group.

Remember Edward Punta’s tangle with the beastrito!!!! Viva Punta, you will always be remembered in our hearts!

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9,000 people write their names in the snow

February 18, 2007 at 6:44 am (bizarre, Fake News)


 Over 9,000 people in Frozensac, ND. wrote their names in the snow to set a new world record for yellow snow.   Some of the men showed expert ability in “snow writing” and were able to dot the i’s!  Most of the women were at a disadvantage and just dotted.

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Trampoline Bear Rides Again

February 16, 2007 at 2:11 am (Fake News)


 Poor little trampoline bear has fallen again.  Once again, he climbed into a tree and the big bad policeman brought him down with a dart full of Simon Cowell scrotum venom — he has a rattler between his legs you know.

This time, T-Bear was not so lucky; no trampoline to fall on, just the hard New Jersey soil to break his little neck has he collapsed in a pile after plummeting to earth.

To add insult to injury, the police immediately tazzered the little bugger as he landed and began fondling his groin.  Officer Padlock said “do you know how much bear testicles sell for in Japan?”

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Cheezey Kake Factorys new line of “Urnial Cheese Cakes”

February 15, 2007 at 6:22 pm (bizarre, Fake News, Odd)


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Cheezy Kake Factory’s new “Urinal Cheese Cakes” have recently added messages to encourage drunk drivers to NOT DRIVE DRUNK.   They are hoping pissers are sober enough to read the message before consuming these delicious and  delectable urine soaked cakes.

They also announced plans for a line of “Yeast Factory Panty Liners” for the ladies.

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A fish named Wanda

February 15, 2007 at 6:14 pm (bizarre, Fake News, Odd)


Gene Spurlock and his spouse Wanda were evicted from their residence for “fouling the air”. Neighbors kept complaining about a strong “vaginal” smell emanating from the apartment. Gene, said he could not help it if his wife’s vagina smelled like a fish. They have tried everything to rid Wanda of the unwanted odor, including several bottles of Mr. KleenVag.

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Gene and Wanda have found the only thing that works is to sleep in the snow and ice in front of their apartment. They do not know what they will do when the weather warms up this summer, but they are looking for a one bedroom freezer in the uptown area.

Gene admits it does stink, but proudly says “I just love that stuff.”

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Designer Bubba Gaultier’s new spring collection

February 15, 2007 at 6:05 pm (bizarre, Fake News, Odd)


Bubba Gaultier unveiled his spring collection of trans-gender X-Men clothing recently

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Here we have the lovely shehe-wolf ensemble,

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The always popular “Eddie Munster” line.

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And, “that thing in the woods and dark alley’s that always scares the shit out of you” line of clothing.

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Are those his hands or just a large set of stones?

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John Stossel claims “I’m Danielynn’s father!”

February 12, 2007 at 9:47 pm (Fake News)


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20/20 News anchor John Stossel shocked and rocked Hollywood today by joining in the “I’m Danielynn’s father” brigade. Stossel said they met when was doing an investigative report on breast implants. He wanted to see what “real” ones looked like and Anna supplied his request. Their torrid secret affair lasted for many years, right up to her death.

John wanted their daughter named Anossel, but Anna quickly nixed that suggestion.

OK, it’s Larry Burkhead… big surprise right?

(Seriously, we are saddened by any death and Anna’s speaks volumes to how even “pretty” people can have fucked up lives. After all, we are all human and it is time for these dregs of her life to stop fighting over a 5 month old baby. Let her family figure out what is best for Dannielynn.)

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What’s in a name?

February 12, 2007 at 9:24 pm (bizarre, Odd)


Thanks to some of our predecessors,  certain names are taboo in the world today.  Names that will always ring with peoples memories of “worst” times.  Would any Dahmer family name their son Jeffrey now?  Would the Sam’s name their son Sonny?

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The MOST obvious one is Adolf.

Who would name their child a name that will be famous for the almost complete death and destruction of the world?

Well, according to www.babynames.com, more than I you might think:

Origin: German
Stats:
73 have ADOLF on their Favorite Name List
578 rated this name
29 have this name
54 wish they had this name
19 gave this name to their child

When asked what their alternative choices where, they gave Beelzebub, Satan, and the always popular Devil.

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Pamela Anderson has eisoptrophobia.

February 10, 2007 at 4:32 am (Odd)


 Eisoptrophobia – Model/Actress 🙂 Pamela Anderson reportedly suffers from this phobia.
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Fear of mirrors.

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Seriously, she does.  Go figure huh?

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