Hardee’s Red Burrito will kill you (part 2)

February 20, 2007 at 8:10 pm (bizarre, Odd)

Hard hitting reporting from Dawn of the Almost Dead brings you the $4.39 Hardee’s Red Burrito:

Excitement begins at the first glimpse of the the sign.dscf3196-small.JPG

Taking our prized catch home for a personal photo spread we eagerly wait to unveil the beast.


Behold the “Black Box” that contains all of the energy of a nuclear power plant.


Now, time to vamp, you saucy behemoth of colon blocking, you methane factory, you king of cholesterol.dscf3202-small.JPG

Alright,now I must cut you bitch… sorry you were so beautiful too, but you’re beautiful on the inside too.

Gooey goodness, beef (we guess), cheese (we guess), rice, onions, peppers, refried’s, wrapped in a monster tortilla. My colon is starting to feel extended already as this devil is racing through my digestive system.


Unable to complete the bowel blowout, I tempted my dogs with the remains of this behemoth  of fast food. Sniffing it like the butt of a strange dog in the neighborhood.


Both hounds decided it was safe, and it was better than the Ol’ Roy they have been served recently, so they dove into the remains.


I’m happy to report that both the dogs and the author have survived this ordeal perpetrated by the Hardee’s corporation on the American republic. I, however, will never be the same. My extended colon hangs around my knees and I’m forced to wear long baggy pants to hide my shame. For a 50+ old man to look like the white gangsta in a town of 5,000 people, it is needless to say embarrassing. I can only hope that other old farts will try this “beast of burden” and join the ranks of the extended colon group.

Remember Edward Punta’s tangle with the beastrito!!!! Viva Punta, you will always be remembered in our hearts!




  1. Life in the Blue » Whistle While You Work said,

    […] like waiters, labors and handlers seem to have some unhappy folk. You could probably throw in Hardee’s burrito maker and local donkey trainer in there as […]

  2. Arthur C. Lebahn said,

    I would like to know the nutritional values of the Quesadilla combo, Signature Red Burrito, Taco salad, and your beef Taco.
    I am especially interested in the sodium content.

    Thank you
    Arthur C. Lebahn

  3. Just concerned said,

    I hope you do realize feeding onions to dogs/cats will cause, if not sudden onset, renal failure, it will cause renal failure/complications as the animal grows older, even if they seem to tolerate it presently. Onions, raisins, macadamia nuts, chocolate, grapes, and many other food items can take the life of your pet. http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/poison-control/people-foods.aspx

  4. S. Cooper said,

    Hardee’s should sell t-shirts that say “I Survived the Red Burrito.”

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