Cheryl Crow, Rosie O’Donnell, Alec Baldwin, a Ferguson Shitter, and a Squeegee.

April 25, 2007 at 7:18 pm (bizarre, Fake News, News, Odd)


Single sheet wiping Cheryl Crow and her skinny little ass says that everyone should only use one sheet of tissue per-crap to save the rain forests.

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Fat ass one roll per-shit Rosie O’Donnell in a stunning turn of events, tells Cheryl to fuck the rain forests, because when Rosie shits it’s all over the place. Walls must be scrubbed down to remove the spray from her thundering sphincter.

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Hearing Cheryl and Rosie’s comments, Alec Baldwin, proceed to to call them both “fat little pigs”, and they should both start doing the right thing and using his new product the “Mouth and Butt Squeegee”. Alec often has shit spewing out of both ends and TP was just to expensive, so his M&B Squeegee did th trick. A simple swipe at either or both ends and your problems solved. Alec did say, he likes to shove the handle up his tookus occasionally and really likes licking the edge of the squeegee clean so it is ready for the next crap fest.

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Don’t forget to wipe today! DotaD.

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How to write a top 10 list for Digg – Top 10 List revisited

April 18, 2007 at 3:18 am (bizarre, Fake News, News, Odd)


After much thought and some digging, we will investigate the top 10 “top 10” lists on Digg to determine what is the best approach to writing a diggable top 10 list.

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  1. 3,903 Diggs – Top 10 Magic Tricks Tutorials of all Time.
  2. 3,493 Diggs – Top 10 Child Actresses from 80s TV Shows Who Grew Up To Be Hotties
  3. 3,476 Diggs – Top 10 Firefox Extensions to Improve your Productivity
  4. 3,415 Diggs – Top 10 Dumbest Online Business Ideas That Made It Big Time.
  5. 3,392 Diggs – Top Ten Geek Quotes…plus more
  6. 3,345 Diggs – Blue Screen of Death Top 10 Images
  7. 3,304 Diggs – Top 10 Accidental Discoveries
  8. 2,999 Diggs – Top 10 Most Unusual Buildings
  9. 2,948 Diggs – Top ten reasons Geeks make good fathers
  10. 2,901 Diggs – Top 10 Orgasmic Positions for Women

OK, by now you have probably already clicked on some of the links, right? Intriguing aren’t they? Depending on your digg’a’tude.

Analysis of the list reveals a basic trend for DiggNation that will make some people InDiggnant:

#1 top 10 dugg is a magic tricks list. Geeks always love magic; computers are like magic; the internet is magic; having a girl friend is magic.

#2 top 10 sex — you can see the little duggers plundering their little Vienna sausages as they they load this web page.

#3 top 10 nerd topic. Only true pimple faced nerds salivate over Firefox extension lists — god get a life.

#4 top 10 is pure geek fantasy. Dumb idea, dumb luck, results in lots of $$$$ and then the geek can pay to have all the people that they don’t like beat up and get some hot prostitutes to act interested in their sunken chests.

#5 top 10 – need I say more?

#6 top 10 – only someone with carpal tunnel of his mouse finger would enjoy these.

#7 top 10 is another geek fantasy, based on the same reasons as #4 above.

#8 top 10 – I’m stunned by this one. Unless the buildings are shaped like dildos or boobs, I don’t understand this one. We will throw this one out or it will skew the curve.

#9 top 10 – another surprise? Geeks love to quote geeks so only other geeks can understand them. Kind of like ducks quacking in the mud hole and a goose comes by and they all quack how fat he is and his neck looks like a long turd.

#10 top 10 – Fantasy, pure 100% geek fantasy. The closest they will come to having sex with a real woman is by viewing top 10 list #2 and jacking themselves with their non-mouse hand so it feels like someone else is handling their tootsie roll.

Okay, so what have we learned about top 10 list success on Digg? Here are some suggested top 10 lists for digg:

  • Top 10 sexy women who are married to geeks.
  • Top 10 child stars who will be hotties in 2010 — or the top 10 pedophile hit list.
  • Top 10 ways to use magic to get laid.
  • Top 10 Buildings that look like women spreading their legs.
  • Top 10 ways to trick women into talking like a geek.

Well, anyway, I think you get it. Now go and Digg’em.

DotaD

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Fed’Executed — FedEx Trucks Inflict Pain on our Nations Highways.

April 11, 2007 at 2:50 pm (News)


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Last year, 2006, marked a noted awareness of semi-truck accidents on our nations highways. Safety of these beasts of the highways and our little “four wheelers” is quickly coming to the forefront. Eighteen wheeler and four wheelers drivers are becoming increasingly antagonistic towards each other.

To top this off, efforts by industry trucking companies to save money and reduce costs have exposed all drivers to dangerous drivers. The days of the seasoned professional truck driver are over, and almost anyone that can acquire a drivers license (legal or illegal) can virtually drive for some companies.

Four wheel (automobile) drivers are not the only ones complaining about these companies. The Truckers Report has a poll by professional truckers on who they think are the worst.

Comments from other truckers are lamenting about the drivers now working for FedEx. Recent accidents do present an alarming number of high profile accidents involving FedEx truck drivers, many resulting in deaths. The cost of maintaining a fleet of trucks is expensive, and FedEx like many other companies are outsourcing much of the long and short hall driving.

Contract drivers are openly solicited on the FedEx Independent Contractor Jobs web page. Requirements are not extremely strict:

    Must be 21 years of age with a minimum of 1 year commercial driving experience in a tractor-trailer (or successful graduation from a FedEx Ground approved driving school if part of a Team). Must possess a valid CDL (Class A) with Doubles or Triples endorsement. Clean driving record. Must be able to pass a DOT physical and drug test. Own, or have the ability to obtain, a white tractor that is 5 years old or less (or willingness to paint current tractor white).

One year of experience or graduating from an approved driving school? That is not much experience to drive any truck professionally for a large company like FedEx and their double and triple trailers. I see nothing of any background checks, just a clean driving record, whatever that means.

Not convinced of the danger imposed by this corporation to your friends and families? For your review:

FedEx accident cleared — The driver admitted he fell asleep at the wheel on I-95. Traffic was blocked for two hours. No injuries.

FedEx Driver Involved in Fatal Accident — The driver may have fallen asleep at the wheel on I-29 and died in the accident.

FedEx Burns Packages — The rear brakes catch fire on a double trailer on I-40 blocking traffic for hours. No injuries in this accident, but anytime you block traffic, other accidents can and do occur in the backup.

The now famous FedEx double trailer crash in Kentucky caught on a police cruisers video camera.

FedEx driver charged in fatal crash on route 44. A 28 year old woman was killed and three children in the vehicle were saved. The driver claimed brake problems caused the crash.

Now, we all know there are millions of professional, courteous, and safe truck drivers working for FedEx, independent, and other trucking companies. These same drivers lament the non-professional drivers too, as noted on the Truckers Report web site.

As a private citizen, all you can do is drive defensively, report bad driving offenses to their parent companies, and local authorities.  If you are an investor, you can invest in companies that sincerely care about the experience and safety record of their drivers. Companies are concerned about a perceived shortage of truck drivers, when they should be retaining their existing professionals and developing future safe drivers. Turning a truck driving grad lose on the road with a double/triple trailer should scare anyone, especially if you’re driving a Mini-Cooper or Prius that can be squashed like grape under one of these multi-ton trucks.

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Amazing! Don Imus claims he is Dannielynn’s father!

April 10, 2007 at 5:22 pm (Fake News)


Crusty curmudgeon Don Imus imus.jpg in an effort to detract attackers from his most recent racially motivate comments, now claims he is Dannielynn’s father.  However, it has not worked.  Everyone knows that Anna would never have fucked him, good god, he has ranch crust all over him.

Besides, Anna always called Michel Moore mooreon.jpg daddy.  Now if science can only find his penis since he has not seen it for decades.

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Beloved Racist Don Imus asks for an apology.

April 10, 2007 at 4:35 pm (Fake News)


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Racially segregated Don Amus requested an apology from Rutgers for the comments made about him today in a press conference. Don stated that HE and HE alone was the first nappy headed human in the world. Speaking from his charity funded Imus Ranch or as it he lovingly refers to it the I-H8-EVR-1 Ranch, stated “I help everyone from retards to nappy challenged white people. Why are they attacking me?”

MSNBC is scrambling to cover for the fat headed, big mouthed, nappy headed, racist by suspending him from his radio/TV show before he can spew more damaging hate speech. MSNBC spokesman, Alberto Gonzales, stated “we needed a good cover for the senate investigation and Imus was the perfect buffoon for the Bush administration.”

Don expects to be back on the air in two weeks. This will give him time to relax at his “charity funded” ranch and recover from all these vicious attacks against him. Imus said “it would help me relax more if they would get all these damn crippled kids out of here. All they do is whine about how they “can’t walk or it hurts when they setup. God I hate charity when it impedes on my ability to have fun at my ‘charity funded’ ranch.”

Imus, “After all, who is the biggest ho in the world? Why me of course, because I’m da pimp masta.”

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Middle school teacher flings feces at student

April 7, 2007 at 5:53 pm (Fake News)


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Middle school teacher Tyrone Biggums tossed a wad of his poo at a student today for not paying attention to his lecture on peeing in a 2 litter coke jug. Freddy Flippen stated, “I was just playing with myself when out of no where this wad of poo hits my ear and lodges in my shirt collar.” Freddy then realized the Tyrone was aiming for his face and had missed. Freddy then demonstrated the U-Crip Grip of holding a turd and throwing a curve wad.

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Flippen’s toss curved like a knuckle ball and landed a perfect hit into a stunned and wide open mouth of Biggums. “That tasted like shit”, said Biggums, “but it was the only thing I’ve had to eat since I spent my last five bucks on meth.”

Later all students participated in a feast by eating a chocolate Jesus for Easter.

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Rosie O’Donnell’s Nut Sack

April 7, 2007 at 4:48 pm (Fake News)


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Beloved Rosie’s Charity Nut Bag — radical left wing conspiracy lesbian long shore-men for Rosie bid on it like rabid badgers fighting over the scraps of a Hardee’s Red Burrito.

Rosie O’Donnell sold her $42,000 Chinese sweatshop floor scraps nut sack on the CharityBuzz auction site. Last bid observed was for approximately $2,500. Someone got a bargain for Rosie’s personally designed jewel pouch, according to Rosie.

Rosie’s personal nut bag can still be found nestle firmly between her curdled milk thighs… ugh…

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You go girl… ugh… guy… ugh… it.

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