Kate Moss to star in an upcoming Granny Porn movie.

June 25, 2007 at 8:04 am (bizarre, Fake News, Odd)


mosskate.jpg Beautiful model Kate Moss has been secretly preparing for her debut staring movie role in the soon to be released, “Granny get your gun”.

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Just a few years of drug partying have enabled her to “slip” into the role of Granny at the age of 33 — such a stunning transition for a move has not been seen since John Travolta’s sex change operation for the movie Hairspray.

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Amazing, absolutely amazing. DotaD members are already getting stiffies at the thought these celluloid treats.

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US Military’s “Gay Bomb” was only the beginning… Here are the ones that really failed.

June 14, 2007 at 11:56 am (bizarre, Fake News, Odd)


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The top 10 US military failed “bomb” creations:

  1. Acne Bomb. Causes severe outbreaks of acne. Soldiers inflicted with this bomb will spend all their time in front of a mirror picking, squeezing, and hiding from the public in embarrassment, rather than fighting.
  2. MySpace Bomb. Causes soldiers to become obsessed with creating myspace pages and constantly changing backgrounds and adding sparkles to them. They become more and more competitive in finding more friends than their friends have and cease all fighting with the exception of occasional slap fights over who is really Todd in Denver’s friend.
  3. Digg Bomb. Soldiers spend all their waking time digging through stories about who are the hottest women on the planet, best Linux implementation, and the worst baseball names.
  4. Boob Bomb. Troops sprout jugs and become fascinated with playing with them. Instead of fighting, they begin looking for the “Girls gone wild” party RV.
  5. Stinky Taint Bomb. To be used in conjunction with the “Gay Bomb”.
  6. Ho & Pimp Bomb. Pimps seek out hourly hotel rooms and sell ho soldiers for drug money.
  7. Soap Bomb. Also known as the “Young and Restless Bomb”. Find me a TV now and don’t interrupt me!
  8. Sylvia Browne Bomb. Troops voices start sounding like a 60 year old smoker with throat cancer and begin channeling distant relatives from planet Gaspar.
  9. Dr. Phil Bomb. Soldiers talk gibberish.
  10. Constipation Bomb. Enemy fill up with shit and surrender for OC laxative products.  Note: addition of the “Gay Bomb” causes severely impacted shit.

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Problems with maintaining erections for more than 24 hours? – Use Bonerniva®

June 8, 2007 at 4:43 pm (bizarre, Fake News, News, Odd)


Dr. Porkenhiemers Boner Juice typically lasts from 4-24 hours, but new Bonerniva ® is guaranteed to last 24-36 hours! Your significant other will be begging for you to stop the hammering you will lay down on their orifices. Imagine, not a dusk to dawn pounding, but a Friday to Sunday morning sausage fest. Not only does Bonerniva ® produce a long lasting rod, but it is 3″-6″ inches longer and 1″-2″ thicker, so that little 3″ pecker becomes a normal 6″ Joe sized schlong, and a monster 10″ looks like an elephant’s trunk on steroids.

Warning: After taking Bonerniva® you should not use your tool on pregnant women, dwarfs, dogs, cats, tiny oriental ladies, salisbury steaks, hamsters, any rodent, industrial vacuum cleaners, paper towels, diesel truck exhaust pipes, chickens, goats, pigs, horses, cows, or any other farm animal. You may use Bonerniva® on Rosie O’Donnell’s mouth as desired — it is the only thing we know of that can deep throat a Bonerniva® boner.

If Bonerniva® fails to give the the long lasting, super sized pocket rocket you desire, we will send the Bonerniva® girl, Niva, to assist with getting your limp rope back to a lasso.

Bonerniva® can be found at all local hardware stores — just ask for erection tool kits while winking at the salesman.

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Comments?

June 8, 2007 at 1:05 pm (bizarre, Fake News, Odd)


Most bloggers end up getting frustrated and abandon blogging because they never receive any feedback from their readers (if they have any). DotaD is no different, with the exception that we will never abandon our blog — we enjoy making fun of news and occasionally publishing real stories and opinions. Mostly we think there is enough funny “real” stuff out there that we can only twist it to make it even more bizarre.

Statistics show that 51% of people NEVER read blogs. That means that 49% of of the internet community read blogs regularly. There are an estimated three million blogs in various stages on the internet. At least 70% of those are updated on an irregular or never basis. That leaves approximately 900,000 regular bloggers for people to read. If you are reading this blog, you are a special person — we mean that in a special way too. We too rode the short bus to school every day and know what it’s like to be different and stupid in the eyes of others.

So, if you can type and can spell words like “ha”, “OK”, “duh”, and the ever difficult “yuk yuk”, leave us a comment so we know we are disturbing and annoying people.

Sincerely,
Your DotaD Staff

Technical Note: We pulled most of the statistics for this article out of our asses.

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Who wants to be a “Rock, Paper, Scissors” Champion?

June 6, 2007 at 5:43 pm (Fake News)


Jack “Scissors” Bower faced off with Billy “The Rock” Idol for the rock, paper, scissors championship last night. Jack throws his patented scissors move and Billy laid him out with his right cross rock to win the 2007 RPS Champion Belt. Jack “Scissors” Bower vowed to get the championship back by training relentlessly for the next 24 hours. Fox will be taping a special show chronicling Bowers quest, hour by hour. Sounds like another hit show for Fox.

On a side note: The celebrity referee, David Anthony Higgins — Craig from Malcolm in the middle fame, will not be refereeing next year due to his busy schedule at Foot Locker.

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