Global warming? Climate change?

February 6, 2014 at 1:39 pm (News)


OK, whatever you want to call it, fine. I call it weather and the earth has been doing weather a lot longer than we have been around.

Yes, the weather/climate is changing. Surprised? Well don’t be, it has always changed and will continue to long after we are no longer a living organism on this space rock. A lot of things have contributed to climate change over the last several million years from earthquakes, volcanos and meteorites strikes – shockingly these things are out of our control.

Now, the audacity to think that a bunch of little pea brained monkeys running around on the surface of the earth can change the climate is ridiculous at best. I say that before we tackle something so large as “global climate” we start with something smaller like a tornado. If we cannot stop or prevent a tornado, what makes us think that we can change the temperature of a planet? So you say, “what a stupid idea.  You can’t stop a tornado, it’s nature.” – so why is changing the climate easier?

I guess we could destroy ourselves and most of the living creatures with a global nuclear war; but guess what, earth would still exist and eventually recover once the wound of our stupidity has healed. Yes, a wound.  That is pretty much all man is capable of doing to earth, wound it. Digging giant holes in it’s surface to mine it and millions of years later a future visitor might not even notice our scar.

If you want to know what is driving the idea that we can change the earths climate, just do what wise men have always said to do, “follow the money.”

Now, settle down. The earth is not going to explode because we are driving a car to work. We have to live and much of our current energy technologies have much less impact on our planet than if the current population was still burning wood and charcoal to heat and cook with.

We have time to migrate from fossil based fuels to cleaner and safer technologies; however, “reasonable” alternatives not available. I’m positive in the next 20-30 years we will have solutions. Energy storage is the biggest hurdle and the second issue is clean, cheap, efficient generation of electricity.

Take a pill and chill and don’t panic. Do what is reasonable to make this planet a better place. Don’t fucking litter, fight the packaging industries insane use of crap wrapped around their products, don’t dump your pills and other garbage in the toilet, reduce your use of pesticides on the lawn, etc… there are thousands of little things you and I can do to make this rock a better place without filling some “Eco Nut Jobs” pockets with your money.  Just remember that anytime someone tries to “scare” you, they have an ulterior motive – there motive is to make money from air. What’s next?  A sun tax? Perhaps… I did use a lot of the sun today and it was free, at least for now.

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Mayo Bandit Caught Bonerniva Cum Bucket at Local Library Drop Box

June 15, 2010 at 3:15 pm (Fake News, News)


Gloria Butch Cassidy was captured after dumping a gallon of Bonerniva generated sperm in the local book drop off in Castro, MO.  ‘Butch’ was wanted in several other dumpings around the city, including a monstrous 55 gallon barrel of Bonerniva jizz into the local Soup & Salad’s cottage cheese bin.

When asked why, by police, Butch simply said she loved to give things Mayo Showers.

Apparently, the drum of jizz was stolen from the local catholic churches rectrumry. Father O’Toolebox stated that “although the jizz was only a couple days worth, it was still a meaningful part of the churches plans for their pancake supper since it can be used to churn jiz butter.”

In a side note, father O’Toolbox said that because of the shortage of Bonerniva, they will be forced to use Wondercum, which is likely to take several weeks to produce the same quantity as Bonerniva was providing.  Start whacking Toolbox.

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Wendy’s yanks kids CD from it’s crappy meals.

June 15, 2010 at 3:02 pm (bizarre, Fake News, News)


Wendy’s executives quickly pulled a CD from their kids crappy meal packs because someone complained about the lyrics of certain songs.  How someone could complain about lyrics like Peter Gunz’ “Niggers in the Bronx call me Lex cause I push a Lex, and I rock a Rolex and I lounge on Lex’, and I love sex” and Cam’Ron’s “Sometime y’all get crimey crimey, grimy grimy But those with a tiny hiney they get whiny whiny” is beyond comprehension.  Who daa tank da r?  Whitey is nothin don ya kno.

Wendy’s executives will be releasing a more appropriate CD in the coming week.  Songs like Prodigy’s “It’s like fee, fie, foe, fum, I smell the blood of a jealous ass punk.”  Much more kid friendly exec’s stated.  Who doesn’t like Jackhoff and the BeanPole lyrics?


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WTFuck is it with Radio Shack and their goddamn batteries?

April 23, 2010 at 1:11 pm (Blogroll, News)


Radio Shack used to be the nerds haven for all the crap that we used to purchase to make robots, electronic dice, speaker and dancing light controllers, etc.  Now, the only fucking thing they seem to want to do is sell you their fucking batteries!

I go into a local Radio Shit store (sorry, you’re earning that title) to find a replacement DSL modem power adapter and/or a new DSL modem for my brother.  Simple request right?  Either you have it or you don’t or know how to fix it.  As soon as we determine they do not have what we need, they start pushing us to buy some batteries all the way to the front door — literally chasing us down like some power starved battery junkies that really need a fix.

Radio Shit — listen:  I/We don’t need your stinking batteries.  Fuck, I can buy batteries at 7-11 so what the fuck makes yours so special?  Your price is not any lower and if I really need a battery fix, I’ll purchase the hundred pack at Costco for half what you charge.  Stop turning your sales people into Alkaline Juice Pushers and let them do what they do best, being nerds that help nerds.

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Discovery channels Mythbusters forum in one word: SUCKS

March 23, 2010 at 3:46 pm (Blogroll, News)


As much as I enjoy our Mythbusters show, Adam, and Jamie, their forum for people to post suggested myths is the worst forum on the internet.  The forum software they are using, Social Strata, looks like a high school computer calls cobbled it together on a summer school project.  Yet, that is not the worst of it, it’s fan based nimrods that troll the site are the most obnoxious ASSHOLES on the planet.

If you want to have some fun, just post a message and wait a day for the little trolls to come out and start belittling the poster.  No answers, no HI Welcome to the site, no information, just a bunch of dweebs setting in their moms basement masturbating to Kid Rock videos, eating Twinkies, and trolling posters to tell them they’re stupid.

It’s such a shame that Discovery allows such ASSHOLES to taint the reputation of Adam and Jamie’s show by not banning the ASSWIPES.

Mythbusters, I love ya, ASSHOLE FORUM FUCKERS, I hate ya and you can suck my ass.

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Steak-umm Yum Yum Gag Gag Puke

January 24, 2010 at 10:12 pm (bizarre, Fake News, News, Odd) (, , , , , , )


Steakumm good.

Love the latest Steakumm commercial –The scene shows a family of four gathered around a nice dinner table in a standard plastic American kitchen the announcer proudly states “Finally!  We can tell the neighbors we’re having steak tonight!”

Sure fella, tell the neighbors your having steak, when they really know it’s slaughter house floor scrapings smashed into a demon paste and flattened between the ass cheeks of a Bolivian mud wrestler.

For a truly horrible experience with wall splattering diarrhea, try to find Steakumm Hotpockets. It’s like capturing lighting in a toilet bowl.

NOTE: Steakumm contains no carbohydrates!  Yes, that is right zero carbs and 100% fat!

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Wired magazine can stuff their surveys in my Christmas turkey’s ass.

December 7, 2009 at 8:45 pm (Blogroll, News) (, , , )


I subscribe to Wired magazine for several years now.  When I first signed up (several years ago), I opted in the email notices (fool I am).   After some emails that were ether borderline spam and some that were almost news, I started getting emails to take an important survey that would help them decide on “some big changes”.  Great!  They asked ME for some feedback — love the magazine and would be happy to help in a small way.  So, click and into survey — what’s your email address?  How old are you?  Male/female?  State?  etc.  then “click”.     “Sorry, you don’t match our demographic for this survey.  Thank You!

What!  That was sweet, don’t even blow me a kiss ya pricks!

So, I unsubscribe to emails “CLICK”

Well, now a few years later and I’ve forgotten, stupidly when renewing my subscription I clicked the “email news letters” option — fool that I am AGAIN.

Today, I get the email from Wired to ME asking for my help in shaping the new front page of Wired Magazine — hot fucking fantastic.

You know the routine — click, click, to the curb you low life piece of turd sandwich — not even a whole turd sandwich, just a piece.

Unsubscribe “CLICK!!!!!!!!”

Listen you marketing assholes that do these fucking surveys.  If you’re looking for a certain “DEMOGRAPHIC”, then state the “DEMOGRAPHIC” before someone clicks on your stupid little “project”.    Otherwise, I can only assume this is a backhanded way of collecting “DEMOGRAPHIC” information based on email accounts — you know you little shits, so you can sell it to other companies.  FUCK your SURVEYS Wired Magazine!  That’s you Conde’ Nast…

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Why is Cheryl Crow and Tree Huggers So Enamored with our Butts?

March 17, 2009 at 2:17 pm (bizarre, News, Odd)


cheryl-crow

It seems like hardly a week goes by that some tree screaming douche bag is all wrapped up over our asses.  They have this unnatural attraction to the human anus that they can’t help but dwell on what comes out of our asses and how we “clean” ourselves.  Apparently, they would prefer Americans to go back a couple hundred years and start wiping with our left hand again.  (For those unfortunate enough to eat at the Crow house, be sure and bring your own silverware and plates, hand cleanser, and ask for everything to be “WELL-DONE!”

Cheryl likes to use one “tissue” per shit and thinks the rest of the world should do the same. A roll of Charmin must last a year at her house!

Now, another group is advocating we return to our roots, well diaper roots anyway.

butttoiletwipes

These wipes are designed for kids asses, but others fruitcakes are saying adults should use them also.  Just one wipe, toss in the washer with your fine delicates and Sunday best and washy washy the crap away.

Just like my mouth, I don’t want someone telling me what goes in it, nor to I want some paper hoarding pimp mama to tell me how to take care of what comes out my butt hole.  If you’re that concerned, come by sometime and I’ll take a dump in your car trunk so you can haul it away for composting or whatever the fuck you do with it — I really don’t give a shit (pun intended).

“Let My Anus Go!”

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The Great Cow Chop Mystery

December 13, 2008 at 9:59 pm (Fake News, News)


porkchopsPork Chops, lamb chops, WTF happened to all the cow chops?  In butcher shops all over the world, a conspiracy has been brewing.  Butchers have been hoarding all of the cow chops from the public for years.  Think about it.  Have you ever seen or heard of cow chops?

What are they doing with all of them?  Where are they storing them?  Investigators from the F BI have been researching this case for the last three years, and so far, they are clueless as to the whereabouts of the chops.

I do have a hot tip for them, check Oprah’s closet meat locker — that bitch is getting FAT on cow chops!

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Bif Naked – Need I Say More?

December 22, 2007 at 7:04 pm (News)


Tats normally don’t do anything for me, but she sings and looks so hot and “bad” with her tats. Bad Bif, bad Bif, now come here and get your spanking.

10bifnaked.jpgbif.jpgbif_fencestraight.jpgbif_naked.jpgbifprge01a.jpg

Where is my Bonerniva® ?

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